Crownies

In a brief moment of indecision, I made brownies, rolled them into balls, and stuffed them into cookies. They're really tasty. I recommend Ms. Field's mixes for both so that they come out with the same amount of sweetness.


- Jezebel

Peppermint French Silk Pie

Village Inn makes candy cane French silk pie around Christmas, and it makes me believe that Santa does love me.

There are no Village Inns in New York, to my infinite sadness.

So I made my own.

And it was awesome.

It was my first pie, and I've totally caught the bug. Now I will make ALL THE PIES.

So, recipe.


Crust:
1 1/2 cups gluten free flour
1/2 teaspoons salt
1 stick unsalted butter
4 - 6 tablespoons cold milk

Preheat the oven to 400. Mix flour and salt, cut in butter. Add milk, one tablespoon at a time. Everything should be moist but sticky. Transfer to a pie pan, and form a crust along the bottom and sides of the pan. It will slide down the sides, so make sure to overcompensate there.

Bake for 15-20 minutes, and then let cool.


Filling:
1/2 cup butter
1/4 cup white sugar
1/2 cup bittersweet chocolate chips
1/4 cup mint chocolate chips (or just extra chocolate chips and peppermint)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon mint extract
2 eggs

Melt chocolate chips-- in a double broiler if you're snazzy, in the microwave if you're not a tool. For microwave melting, go in 30 second increments, stirring in-between. Let the melted chocolate hang out when you're done.

Cream the butter and gradually add sugar with a mixer until well-blended. Stir in the melted chocolate, add vanilla. Crack and mix one egg in at a time, beating 5 minutes on medium speed each time.

Add mixture to cooled pie crust.




Whipped Cream:
1 cup chilled heavy cream
2 tablespoons confectioner's or powdered sugar
Crushed candy cane and chocolate chunks for flair :)

You'll want to wait on this until you're going to serve-- otherwise it gets sad and deflated. Whisk heavy cream and sugar until it comes to stiff peaks.

Spread, fluff, add flair, and dig in.


It's the most wonderful time of the year...


- Jezebel

Pumpkin Cookies with Cream Cheese Icing

I have been jonesing for pumpkin something fierce this fall, so pumpkin cookies sounded perfect. AND THEY WERE.

Fair warning-- these yield HUGE portions. I accidentally wound up with 50 cookies. Whoops.

Also, this is from a regular recipe that I then made gluten-free--- turned out really well, so I might try that more often. Thank you Sweet Pea's Kitchen for the recipe.

Ingredients (there are lots):
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp ground cloves
1/2 tsp salt
1 stick softened butter
1 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 1/4 cup canned pumpkin puree
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
4 oz. cream cheese
3/4 cup powdered sugar

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350. Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and salt-- set aside.

Cream butter and both sugars in a stand mixer with a paddle attachment. Add pumpkin, egg, and vanilla; beat until creamy. Stir in dry ingredients by hand until combined.

Drop on cookie sheet in heaping tablespoonfuls. Bake for 13-15 minutes.

While they're baking, combine cream cheese, powdered sugar and beat until smooth and creamy. I recommend using the paddle attachment stand mixer from before, unless you're really looking for an upper arm workout.

Ice cookies when ready to eat.

So, so good.




- Jezebel

Cheddar Bay Biscuits

There are few things as fantastic as the cheddar bay biscuits from Red Lobster. They are heaven. They are grace. They are beauty.

They are FULL OF GLUTEN.

There's a couple versions online-- haven't found the right one yet but here's the initial pass.

Ingredients:
1/3 cup shortening
1/2 cup potato starch (sub cornstarch if you don't have a Kosher food aisle)
3/4 cup cornstarch
1 3/4 tsp xanthan gum
1 tbsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1 tbsp sugar
3/4 cup milk
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese
1/4 cup softened butter
1 tsp honey
1 1/4 cup corn flour

Directions:
Preheat oven to 375. Blend everything except the cheese and butter. You should wind up with something soft and a little sticky.


I dropped the biscuits for time, but you can cut them too-- they'll probably rise better. Add /lots/ of cheddar. It bakes in, so really overcompensate.


Bake 12-15 minutes, until lightly browned.



Tasted good, but not life-changing. Might try this recipe next time. Or this one.


- Jezebel

Slapdash Cornbread

This adventure taught me the importance of test batches. And also that you cannot substitute corn flour for cornmeal.

Recipe:

1/4 cup softened butter
3 tbsp sugar
2 eggs
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 cup milk
1 cup gluten-free flour
2/3 cup yellow cornmeal
2 tsp gluten-free baking powder
1/2 tsp salt

Instead of cornmeal, I just used extra corn flour. That was a poor choice.

Directions are at the link if you'd like to make a go of it. I'm sure it works better when you actually follow the directions. Leaving out the cornmeal will give you flat, rock-hard, tasteless beige cardboard.

Since I was trying to be thorough, I made a 9x9 batch AND a batch of cupcake sized ones.


So that would be two terrible batches of flat, rock-hard, tasteless beige cardboard. I cannot express to you how bad they were. They did not rise... only harden.

I figured I'd run out the next morning, pick up some cornmeal, and make another batch. No problem.

Except there was no cornmeal. Anywhere. There was canned corn. There were mashed potatoes. There was no cornmeal.

I recall thinking, "You know what kind of has the same consistency as cornbread? Butternut squash. Well... they don't have butternut squash... but they do have butternut squash soup..."

So yes, ladies and gentlemen, I made cornbread with butternut squash soup. I can only plead insanity ... or, you know, possession. I was throwing in vanilla, rosemary, everything I could flipping think of.

And, you know.... it came out pretty damn good! A little moist, but whatever.


So, believe in yourself, kids. And you too can achieve ... cornbread.


- Jezebel

Brownie Fail

So most of these ventures have been massively successful. But there was one that was... not.

I was about to meet the boy's extended family for the first time. Big Italian family. Huge.

I'm petrified.

I have a gluten allergy and I'm a vegetarian. What at an Italian meal could I possibly eat? (Eggplant and coffee, in case you were wondering, is the answer)

So I'm supposed to bring something-- as you do. The boy's mother suggests a cake. I say, "No." We must MAKE A CAKE. It will be much better. Yes.

Peppermint brownies with cream cheese frosting are decided upon. It's the recipe on the back of the box. Easy.

I make the brownies. Bam. Put 'em in the oven.

I make the cream cheese frosting. Great. I get to the end of the instructions, and it says something akin to, "Spread the frosting across the brownies and set in the oven to bake."

Pause.

I look at the oven, where the brownies have been baking for about 10 minutes.

Pause.

I make a decision.

I take the brownies out of the oven, put the cream cheese frosting on top of the brownies that are already half-way to done, and put them back in for the rest of the time.

The bell dings. I take them out. They look reasonably done. Awesome.

Humming, I start to cut the brownies and put them on a plate. All around the outside. Going great.

Then I get to the middle. Where there is a 1/4 of an inch of cooked brownie on the bottom, 3/4 of an inch of uncooked legitimate batter and then a thin layer of probably uncooked egg and cream cheese pretend-to-be frosting.

That's the point at which I remember crying. The boy says that it was only a matter of time and that I had been flitting from the couch to the kitchen, stirring my mixing bowl like a manic gerbil. I do not recall this.

Long story short, I cut the edge brownies (that were cooked through) into veeeeeery small pieces and arranged them on a plate as if they were all the brownies in the world-- no other brownies, no sirree.

Everyone ate them. And they will never knoooooooowwwww.


-Jezebel

Warm Hug Pumpkin Cheesecake

The recipe is from here-- minus all the condescending "use only organic corn starch" business. Here's my annotated version:


Ingredients

2 cups ground gluten-free ginger snaps (you can also use nuts if you're not allergic)

3 tablespoons melted butter substitute

1 can pumpkin puree

12 oz cream cheese

1/2 cup maple syrup

1/2 cup brown sugar

2 tablespoons cornstarch

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

1/4 teaspoon salt

Directions

Preheat to 350°.

Break up ginger snaps in a food processor and grind until you have 2 cups. Mix with butter until there's some sort of workable crust.

Line an 8” square pan with parchment paper (or the bottom of a spring form pan if you want it round). Press the cookie mixture into the bottom of the pan.

Wash and dry your food processor.

Put the remaining ingredients into the processor and blend until completely smooth.

Pour the pumpkin mixture on top of the cookie crust.

Bake for 50 minutes or until the center looks done.

Allow to cool for 30 minutes (in the oven so it doesn't sink) and then refrigerate for 3 hours before cutting.

Side note: it's really hard to tell when a cheese-cake is done. The only way you can tell is when it's over-done and the top cracks. It's supposed to be wobbly, so just kind of... guess. It's not like there's eggs or anything, so it's fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!

I also made a batch of these in little cupcake tins, and they were fantastic.


-Jezebel

Epic Pumpkin Is Epic

A Hey Girl Ryan Gosling pumpkin. :D


- Jezebel

First Kiss Cookies

I'm becoming the biggest fan of Red Mill's Gluten Free Flour. It comes in 800 variations. For cookies, use the GF Chocolate Chip Cookie mix.

The chocolate chips are hella sad, so you can supplement if you like.

I added about 7-10 crushed Andes mints-- they flavor the dough when you knead it, so you don't need to add extra flavoring.



Directions (from the back of the bag)

Preheat oven to 350. Mix 1 stick of butter with 1 egg and 2 tbsp of water (can sub milk if you'd like them more fluffy). Add cookie mix and the crushed mints.

It will be pretty dry, but that's okay, 'cause they're cookies.


Section into small balls on a cookie sheet. Bake for 15 or until the cookies are just turning brown at the bottom.

If you are trying to sell your house, bake them before a showing because they smell AMAZING.




And they taste like a good first kiss-- light and airy, still too nervous to wolf it down. :)


-Jezebel

Congratulations Red Velvet Cupcakes

Recipe stolen from here.

Came out a little dry. Trying more milk next time-- maybe maple syrup?

Ingredients

• 1 cup of butter
• 1 1/2 cups of sugar
• 2 large eggs, at room temperature
• 2 1/2 cups of gluten-free flour blend
• 4 tablespoons of cocoa powder
• 1 teaspoon of baking soda
• 1 teaspoon of salt
• 1 1/4 cups of milk
• 1 teaspoon of white wine vinegar
• 2 tablespoons of red food coloring
• 2 teaspoons of vanilla extract
• Cream cheese frosting
• 8 ounces of cream cheese, softened
• 4 ounces (1 stick) of butter, softened
• 3 3/4 cups of powdered sugar, sifted
• 1/8 teaspoon of salt
• 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla

Preparation

For the cupcakes:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Stir together dry ingredients (flour, cocoa, baking soda, salt).

Mix together wet ingredients (milk, vinegar, food coloring, vanilla). It will look like milk and blood.

Add creamed butter and sugar, mix in eggs.

Alternately mix in dry, wet, then dry ingredients. It will look like brains.

Fill 1 dozen cupcake cups and bake for 18-22 minutes or until tops are just dry on top.

For the frosting:

Mix cream cheese and butter.

Add salt and vanilla.

Slowly add in powdered sugar.

It will taste so good you want to eat the whole bowl, hold the cupcakes.

But you will be a good person and put them on the cupcakes. Because they are congratulations cupcakes. And goddammit you will bring them to work and not eat them all yourself.

- Jezebel

New Year

I had a hard time coming up with what the theme was going to be for this year. Something along the lines of "This Year I Have a Long-Distance Boyfriend" seemed lame and pretty awkward.

But this past month I've developed a gluten intolerance, so... I guess that'll be it!

Things I've learned so far: I'm really bad at having a gluten intolerance.

They sneak gluten into effing everything! Seriously-- sauces, latkes, curry... all this stuff you'd never think to ask about. So it's a learning curve. I eat out a lot, and that's been tricky. So this year will be a lot of "learning how to cook gluten-free."

Yay....