Brownie Fail

So most of these ventures have been massively successful. But there was one that was... not.

I was about to meet the boy's extended family for the first time. Big Italian family. Huge.

I'm petrified.

I have a gluten allergy and I'm a vegetarian. What at an Italian meal could I possibly eat? (Eggplant and coffee, in case you were wondering, is the answer)

So I'm supposed to bring something-- as you do. The boy's mother suggests a cake. I say, "No." We must MAKE A CAKE. It will be much better. Yes.

Peppermint brownies with cream cheese frosting are decided upon. It's the recipe on the back of the box. Easy.

I make the brownies. Bam. Put 'em in the oven.

I make the cream cheese frosting. Great. I get to the end of the instructions, and it says something akin to, "Spread the frosting across the brownies and set in the oven to bake."

Pause.

I look at the oven, where the brownies have been baking for about 10 minutes.

Pause.

I make a decision.

I take the brownies out of the oven, put the cream cheese frosting on top of the brownies that are already half-way to done, and put them back in for the rest of the time.

The bell dings. I take them out. They look reasonably done. Awesome.

Humming, I start to cut the brownies and put them on a plate. All around the outside. Going great.

Then I get to the middle. Where there is a 1/4 of an inch of cooked brownie on the bottom, 3/4 of an inch of uncooked legitimate batter and then a thin layer of probably uncooked egg and cream cheese pretend-to-be frosting.

That's the point at which I remember crying. The boy says that it was only a matter of time and that I had been flitting from the couch to the kitchen, stirring my mixing bowl like a manic gerbil. I do not recall this.

Long story short, I cut the edge brownies (that were cooked through) into veeeeeery small pieces and arranged them on a plate as if they were all the brownies in the world-- no other brownies, no sirree.

Everyone ate them. And they will never knoooooooowwwww.


-Jezebel

Warm Hug Pumpkin Cheesecake

The recipe is from here-- minus all the condescending "use only organic corn starch" business. Here's my annotated version:


Ingredients

2 cups ground gluten-free ginger snaps (you can also use nuts if you're not allergic)

3 tablespoons melted butter substitute

1 can pumpkin puree

12 oz cream cheese

1/2 cup maple syrup

1/2 cup brown sugar

2 tablespoons cornstarch

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

1/4 teaspoon salt

Directions

Preheat to 350°.

Break up ginger snaps in a food processor and grind until you have 2 cups. Mix with butter until there's some sort of workable crust.

Line an 8” square pan with parchment paper (or the bottom of a spring form pan if you want it round). Press the cookie mixture into the bottom of the pan.

Wash and dry your food processor.

Put the remaining ingredients into the processor and blend until completely smooth.

Pour the pumpkin mixture on top of the cookie crust.

Bake for 50 minutes or until the center looks done.

Allow to cool for 30 minutes (in the oven so it doesn't sink) and then refrigerate for 3 hours before cutting.

Side note: it's really hard to tell when a cheese-cake is done. The only way you can tell is when it's over-done and the top cracks. It's supposed to be wobbly, so just kind of... guess. It's not like there's eggs or anything, so it's fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!

I also made a batch of these in little cupcake tins, and they were fantastic.


-Jezebel

Epic Pumpkin Is Epic

A Hey Girl Ryan Gosling pumpkin. :D


- Jezebel

First Kiss Cookies

I'm becoming the biggest fan of Red Mill's Gluten Free Flour. It comes in 800 variations. For cookies, use the GF Chocolate Chip Cookie mix.

The chocolate chips are hella sad, so you can supplement if you like.

I added about 7-10 crushed Andes mints-- they flavor the dough when you knead it, so you don't need to add extra flavoring.



Directions (from the back of the bag)

Preheat oven to 350. Mix 1 stick of butter with 1 egg and 2 tbsp of water (can sub milk if you'd like them more fluffy). Add cookie mix and the crushed mints.

It will be pretty dry, but that's okay, 'cause they're cookies.


Section into small balls on a cookie sheet. Bake for 15 or until the cookies are just turning brown at the bottom.

If you are trying to sell your house, bake them before a showing because they smell AMAZING.




And they taste like a good first kiss-- light and airy, still too nervous to wolf it down. :)


-Jezebel

Congratulations Red Velvet Cupcakes

Recipe stolen from here.

Came out a little dry. Trying more milk next time-- maybe maple syrup?

Ingredients

• 1 cup of butter
• 1 1/2 cups of sugar
• 2 large eggs, at room temperature
• 2 1/2 cups of gluten-free flour blend
• 4 tablespoons of cocoa powder
• 1 teaspoon of baking soda
• 1 teaspoon of salt
• 1 1/4 cups of milk
• 1 teaspoon of white wine vinegar
• 2 tablespoons of red food coloring
• 2 teaspoons of vanilla extract
• Cream cheese frosting
• 8 ounces of cream cheese, softened
• 4 ounces (1 stick) of butter, softened
• 3 3/4 cups of powdered sugar, sifted
• 1/8 teaspoon of salt
• 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla

Preparation

For the cupcakes:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Stir together dry ingredients (flour, cocoa, baking soda, salt).

Mix together wet ingredients (milk, vinegar, food coloring, vanilla). It will look like milk and blood.

Add creamed butter and sugar, mix in eggs.

Alternately mix in dry, wet, then dry ingredients. It will look like brains.

Fill 1 dozen cupcake cups and bake for 18-22 minutes or until tops are just dry on top.

For the frosting:

Mix cream cheese and butter.

Add salt and vanilla.

Slowly add in powdered sugar.

It will taste so good you want to eat the whole bowl, hold the cupcakes.

But you will be a good person and put them on the cupcakes. Because they are congratulations cupcakes. And goddammit you will bring them to work and not eat them all yourself.

- Jezebel